Alex was eight years old when he stumbled into porn online while he was playing computer games. Within weeks he was viewing porn daily and masturbating to soothe his fear and loneliness about his parent’s conflict and his collapsing family. By age 11 he was engaging neighborhood children in sex acts he viewed online and at 14 was charged and sentenced to residential treatment as a youth sex offender.
Although Alex had seen several counselors, his history of Internet porn use was never uncovered and his sex addiction was not diagnosed until he was 16 and headed for another incarceration because of sex offending. A perceptive social worker requested an evaluation by a sex addiction specialist who identified the problem and recommended appropriate treatment.
In my practice as a Sex Addiction Therapist I frequently talk to clients like Alex who found porn online as children or teenagers, usually by accident. Often these clients relate they were also experiencing loss and feeling sad and alone at that time. In addition, in the early days of the Internet parents simply did not realize the hazards. After all, using the computer started with playing games.
Based on my clinical experience, I disagree with noted experts who say children are not bothered by Internet porn or that they are disinterested and ignore it. That is not true any more than the statement that children ignore alcohol or drugs in the home. They are likely to try all of these because they are intensely curious about adult behaviors!
It is our job as parents and caregivers to provide security and protection for our child’s healthy development. This includes protection from the hazards of cyberspace. In other articles, I will discuss guidelines for cyber safety.
Cyber Safety — Guidelines for Parents
The computer and Internet allow children to go places no children have gone before and some of these places are toxic waste dumps — porn sites. In addition to the problem of unwanted exposure to explicit sexual material, the sheer intensity of many online activities seems to be causing problems in attention and social interaction for children who spend excessive time in front of the monitor.
Parents and caregivers can protect their children by instituting guidelines and safeguards such as:
- Strengthening family life by sharing meals, activities and interests so the child does not connect with something or someone else to feel valued and loved
- Discussing the pros and cons of the computer and checking what children are doing
- online to be sure it is age appropriate
- Assuring children they can come to you about anything that makes them uncomfortable or any mistakes they make and you will not get mad
- Locating the computer in the traffic ways with the monitor visible at all times
- Installing screening software and updating regularly
- Requiring permission for use based on “who, what, when and where,” just as you do for activities outside the home
- Setting time limits on the computer and other techno devices to protect family meals, conversation and shared projects and sleep time
These and other guidelines remind everyone in the family that the Internet must be used with caution. It is a valuable tool but, just like a car, it can be dangerous if used recklessly.
Sex Addiction Overview
